Ill

For the past week I've been almost confined to bed with flu and I'm starting to feel somewhat better after some sleep at last. The worst part has been the incessant coughing and because of trying to avoid waking Alison up, I've been sleeping downstairs with the cricket on in the background. At least that has been a laugh!

I've been feeling exhausted for a while with lots on at school and so many commitments to meetings and individual kids all linking in with the realsiation that I've started going back to the situation of the past. More time and energy on other people's kids rather than my own. It's also difficult when you are trying to sort out problems with some of them who are in genuinely difficult situations (often of their own making) and I think of Natasha and how much she achieved despite the limitations she had on her life. It is easy to get a little resentful at that stage and I have to keep easing that feeling back where it belongs because you can't expect anyone, let alone a 15 or 16 year old hormone ravaged youngster, to do the right thing because you think it's the best thing for them.

This time of year is always going to be difficult too with so many reminders of Nat who loved Christmas so much. She was often in hospital in the run up to Christmas Day, so to be home with everything going well was the best thing that could happen for us. We're going to go to Yorkshire for Christmas this year which will be great as it will take us out of some of the routines and be less upsetting. It will also be great to see other parts of the family of course but I fear this is going to be a very difficult time.

Only a few more weeks of smoking left. I haven't smoked for four days actually having been stuck in bed feeling crap but New Year Resolution time is nearly here and I'm going for that. I've never tried a resolution at New Year before but it will coincide with me reaching my target weight and I'll eat lots and put it all back on! I've lost three stone since the start of September and am at the top end of the healthy BMI apparently.

I don't think there was any football this week but last week was disappointing with a 3 - 0 loss. We didn't play badly, there was some good football at times, and Dave did come back and was big enough to take a little teasing on the subject of his walkoff (setting the tone for Thierry Henry I believe). Next in line is Dougie, who is unlikely to receive any sympathy from Dom if his leg falls off while he takes another shot from forty yards which bisects the corner of the field or balloons into the heart of darkness behind the goal.

The big fella seems to believe these are passes going astray but you roll the ball back to him at your peril as he lines up a shot and strikes through the ball like Jamie Rednapp. I truly believe that is exactly who Dougie sees himself as in his mind's eye as he addresses the ball. Dom seems to have missed the similarity and is pretty open about what the consequences of the next one will be.

More tension in the camp. What is the manager going to do to sort out the spilts and ructions of the last weeks? Where is he taking us for Christmas? The latest suggestion was cricket!!